Caveman

Caveman

Plot:
Prehistoric life is tough for poor lovesick Atouk (Ringo Starr). As the smallest and weakest caveman of his tribe, he is unble to win the heart of the beautiful Lana (Barbara Bach) and is banished from the cave by Lana's mate, Tonda (NFL star John Matuszak), the hulking chief of the tribe. Forced to wander the ancient wilderness, Atouk meets a variety of unlikely allies who, become a tribe of their own, with Atouk as the leader! Atouk, however, still wants Lana and will stop at nothing to get her. With his second in command, Lar (Dennis Quaid), Atouk wages an all out war against Tonda's tribe in a bound to fail attempt to get Lana.

Rating:
Cinematography 5/10
Acting 7/10
Plot 7/10
Overall 10/10


Review:
When you need a good laugh and want to have a good time, sit down with some popcorn and soda and pop in Caveman. The movie came out in 1981, so the cinematography and so called "CGI" is horrid, but of course that adds to the hilarity of the movie. The graphics are so cheesy, you can't help but laugh at them. The plot is a recycled idea of the weak guy who wants the girl, and the big guy is in the way, but you'll find a strange twist in the end. There isn't really much room for "acting", as they are portraying cavemen, and speaking a made up caveman language, but for comedy purposes, it works. Enough with the bad criticism, as this movie makes up for it all. You can't help but to laugh the whole way through.This movie is just a lot of fun. The bad graphics and acting just serve to lend to the comedic service this movie gives. It's a classic comedy that you'll watch over and over. When the writer for a movie is Rudy DeLuca, you know your in for a great time.

Labyrinth

Labyrinth

Plot:
Sarah (Jennifer Connelly), a teenager with an active imagination summons the Goblins from her favorite book, "Labyrinth," to take her baby stepbrother away. When little Toby actually disappears, Sarah must follow him into the world of the fairy tale to rescue him from the wicked Goblin King (David Bowie)! Guarding his castle is The Labyrinth itself, a twisted maze of deception, populated with outrageous characters and unknown dangers. To get through it in time to save Toby, Sarah will have to outwit the King by befriending the very Goblins who protect him, in hopes that their loyalty isn't just another illusion in a place where nothing is as it seems!


Rating:
Cinematography 6/10
Acting 6.5/10
Plot 8/10
Overall 10/10


Review:
Another movie that is dear to me and will remain in my top 5. In my opinion, it is one of the best movies of all time, and definitely a classic. With all the elements that make a good movie together with Jim Henson and George Lucas, you know your in for a good time. With a bit of action, a lot of comedy, a hint of romance, and some lovable characters altogether packaged with Bowie, Connelly, and a good plot you get the masterpiece that is Labyrinth. It features the use of a large amount of puppets and small use of CGI, to bring the characters to life. David gives us some musical tunes to bop to while the story progresses (and frankly I like his music from the movie better than his normal stuff), and of course with midget sized goblins running around the laughing is only broken by the feeling of adventure.

Willow

Willow

 

Plot:
When young Willow Ufgood (Warwick Davis) finds an abandoned baby, he is suddenly thrust into an adventure filled with magic and danger. According to an ancient prophecy, the sacred child is destined to end the reign of the evil sorceress Queen Bavmorda. Now, with only a single swordsman (Val Kilmer) at his side, willow must overcome the forces of darkness that threaten to destroy anyone who stands in the Queen's way!

Rating:
Cinematography 7/10
Acting 8/10
Plot 8/10
Overall 10/10

Review:
Willow is one of the greatest movies of all time. Surely on my top 5 with no hope of moving down. The story has anything you can want, and more. There's; action, romance, comedy, fantasy, and of course midgets. This movie weaves a fantastic tale of magic and adventure. If you are a fan of fantasy, of love, of adventure, or you just plain want to have a good time, Willow is your movie. It may have recycled ideas (little guy on a big quest, fighting a two headed dragon, the fact that the queen looks like Maleficent), but the fact is, what isn't? You give me an "original idea" and ill find you something that came earlier. Besides, when you've got a good plot idea, what is wrong with reusing it? The thing that makes this movie great, is how fun it is to watch, its ability to invest you into the adventure, and well it doesn't hurt to have Val Kilmer and Warwick Davis. Willow was given bad reviews when it first came out, by people who I think read too much into movies that I don't think that they are just able to pull out and enjoy a good movie when it comes along.

300

300

Plot:
In the ancient Battle of Thermopylae, King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. Facing insurmountable odds, their valor and sacrifice inspire all of Greece to unite against their Persian enemy, drawing a line in the sand for democracy.

My Rating:
Cinematography 10/10
Acting 9/10
Plot 10/10
Overall 10/10

Review:
I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, and will hold it in my top ten for a long time. The goal of this movie was to give a gory-gritty-action packed adaptation of the ancient battle of Thermopylae. The movie does a good job of that, while being as historically accurate as it can be, without making it seem like your reading a history book. Hollywood obviously beefed it up, using elephants and rhinos on cliff edges, as well as grotesquely disfigures creatures to make the bad guys look, well, bad. As far as historical accuracy goes it featured lines that most consider cheesy like;"Come and get them", "Then we will fight in the shade", and "Come back with your shield or on it", actually came from accounts by Herodotus and Plutarch. Hardly a character featuring a name goes without a great line or two in the movie, and as far as the acting goes, I think all the characters were portrayed splendidly. Gerard Butler plays king Leonidas, and let me just say, I love Gerard. The way he talks with the side of his mouth, his accent, and well I digress. The cinematography was great as well, with a sepia overlay the movie took on a bronze look. This fit perfectly, as this is the metal used most by Greeks. With many scenes set against a setting sun, with a heavy use of sepia and contrast, made the whole movie look like a living painting. Since I do recommend this movie, I won't discuss the plot heavily, but it does have its twists and betrayals, you'll just have to watch it for yourself. Story-lovers, women (or men) who want to see muscular men with little on, violence and gore enthusiasts, and history buffs alike will all enjoy this movie.

Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan

Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan (Japanese) or Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-Chan(English)

The Plot:
The story of a 13-year-old junior high schooler, Sakura Kusakabe, who, twenty years in the future, while attempting to create a "Pedophiles World" forces all women to stop aging after the age of twelve, offends God by the side effect of having created immortality. Dokuro Mitsukai, a member of an order of assassin angels that are called Rurutie, has been sent from the future to kill him. Believing that Sakura can be redeemed, Dokuro decides instead to keep Sakura so occupied that he can never develop the immortality technology. Due to her impulsive nature and super-human strength however, she frequently kills him with her gigantic spiked kanabō (club), Excalibolg, on a moment's impulse, but returns him to life moments later with angelic power. Sabato, another assassin of the Rurutie order who uses her feminine wiles to do her job, is dispatched to complete Dokuro's original mission: Sakura's assassination.

My Rating:
Animation 8/10
Plot 1/10
Characters 5/10
Overall 2/10

Review:
The plot is practically non-existant, as the event in which Dokuro is sent back to stop him from doing, is 20 years in the future, though the show spans a time less than 1 year. They never reach the event in question, so her "Keeping him so distracted" is a complete waste of time, since distracting him 20 years prior is kind of useless. This show is yet another show that excuses plot for the beating of a man by a woman. A lot of people seem to find this funny, i do not. What would you think if their gender roles were replaced? In the span of the series Sakura is in love with one of his classmates, though any "special-time" they have is always ruined by Dokuro, including the one date they go on. So it is not saved with romance (As the two never "get together" even in the second season.) The show is carried by its overuse of gore and violence, which is played off as being funny. The show had a few laughs, and was slightly enjoyable, but i would not recommend. Once you watch the first episode (in which before the opening video he gets bludgeoned and killed before the ticker hits 1 minute 30 seconds) you've seen all you need to see of the whole anime. As far as i can tell, each episode is a lame excuse for violence loosely tied to their main "stopping him from inventing pedophile-heaven" plot. Not to mention that when Dokuro first enters the school, the first thing she does is reveal herself as an angel, turn the class representative into a baboon, and kills Sakura at least once, yet the classmates and teacher seem to be fine with all of this, and take it in stride. Among the mass amounts of females rubbing their bodies against him, then becoming pissed when he gets horny, the gory killing of the main character over nothing, and the entrance of new characters just to try to stave off staleness, you get the sense of something as you watch this anime, the sense of... "What the hell is going on." The second season isn't much better, as where the first season ends with Dokuro's younger (though bigger and more mature) sister comes to take her back for not completing her mission, the second starts with Dokuro, her younger sister, and Sakura all living with his parents. Sabato, the assassin sent to finish Dokuro's job (mentioned in the plot) no longer cares to kill him for no apparent reason, and even helps him out from time to time. I give it an overall rating of 2/10 because of its animation and occasional humour. The part of the show that made me laugh the most, was that if the angel's halo was removes, they got explosive diarrhea, and the diarrhea was manifested with traditional anime "retarded facial expressions" which to me looked like renditions of the internet sensation "Rage-face." I would not recommend this, other than to see these retarded portions, which can probably be found in small clips via google.